Is there a difference between obsessing and truly caring about someone to whom you were close? If you had a brother, sister, daughter, niece, or nephew who had their life threatened or was dying of cancer, would you consider it obsessing to be worried about them and wonder how they are doing if you hadn't heard from them? If you were close enough to them to consider them being part of your family, isn't that pretty much the same?
What would you do to protect your child if he or she were in danger? Wouldn't you do all you could possibly do? What if your child had cancer? Would you just turn away from your child and not have any care for them because “they're going to die anyway?” What if your child had a serious mental condition and had problems making decisions on his or her own? Would you not tell them how you feel about their decisions in hopes that they might understand rather than just tell them what they want to hear?
Sometimes people confuse true love and compassion with obsession, especially if they don't really know all the details. Sometimes people who have mental problems think that others are obsessing over them just because they show concern and caring. Does this mean the person is really being obsessive? Of course not.
If I were accused of obsessing over everyone for whom I've shown caring and compassion, I'd have a long list of obsessions. Some people have no concept of concern for others or have so little self-esteem that they think anyone who really shows compassion and concern for them must be up to something or have ulterior motives. Some people who have been involved in the seedy side of life often have the same thoughts because that is what they are used to. Those of us, though, who have grown up in loving, caring families and have lived our lives around mostly honorable people, though, see things differently.
There have been times when my life was in danger and friends and family helped out. I didn't consider any of them obsessive. I didn't consider what they did for me something to get me to do something for them. It was done out of love.
Is true love so foreign to people these days that so many have no concept of it? What does that say of our society? What does that say of ourselves? Do we truly have to be suspicous of everyone who appears to care for us? Do we have to be suspicious of every thought, statement, or deed another has or does on our behalf?
There are some parasites who pray on others for their own selfish desires, to be sure. They seem to be more prevalent on the internet than in regular life, probably because they can hide behind their keyboards and not have to confront people face to face. There are those who feign illness to gain sympathy. There are those who feign feelings for others in an attempt to gain their trust with selfish motives at the core. Yes, this type of person DOES exist, but in reality, their number is small... much smaller than it would appear by watching people on the internet. If we live our lives fearing the few who are so insignificant that they don't even really matter in the scheme of things, how are we ever to find true, caring friendships or relationships?
Unfortunately, at the moment, there is little that can be done about internet predators, or “real life” predators until they actually harm someone. It's like calling the police about a threat on your life. They'll tell you, “Call us after they've done something to you.” Of course, by then it's too late, so you have to depend on friends and family to help out with the situation. If the warning from friends and family is stern enough, or even sometimes, if they see that others really care about you, it is often enough to keep them from taking action, or at least think real hard before they actually attempt to do anything.
Sometimes, we need to chill a little and set aside the fear and quit being so suspicious of every person in our lives who has shown us love and care. Have you given that person reason to be concerned? Has the person who showed you love and care really tried to harm you in any way? Have they stalked you in person? Do they follow you everywhere you go on the internet and try to make your life a living hell? If not, then perhaps you're being a little too suspicious.
Copyright © 2008 Cal Jennings
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