December 26th to Jill

Dearest Jill,

I hope you had a good Christmas. I hope you're feeling ok as well, though I think I felt some sad feelings from you. I know how difficult Christmas can be for you with your family.

I just stayed home and took it easy today. I did some thinking to see how I would honestly feel if we were together. As much as I want to tell myself that I wouldn't be jealous, I know that I would feel some jealousy. I would want you all to myself. I wouldn't stop you from doing what you wanted, but it would hurt. I wouldn't want anyone else but you, so I would remain faithful. It's just me. I'm sorry. It was the same with Diane, but with you, it would be more so because of our connection and because of the depth of love I feel for you. I would feel anger and resentment when I knew you were cheating, and it would take me a while to get over each time it happened.

Diane cheated, but not that often. I didn't have a huge problem overlooking it a few times in 15 years, but frequently cheating would present a problem. I think men feel emotional pain over a mate much more than women do. That, or women just ignore the pain and proceed anyway.

I haven't heard from Nigel. He hasn't written me back for awhile now. I still send him a letter now and then just to let him know I'm thinking about him. I know he's been through a lot, as have I, but I'm a little tougher than Nigel is. Hopefully, he'll get better and contact me again sometime. If not, well, I guess it's about the same as you.

Love,

Cal